(How original right?)
Every year after Christmas everyone starts to look back at their year. They look back at all the memories the past year has brought them and look forward to what the New Year has to offer.
This year, I started reflecting on my year once August came and I couldn’t wait for the year to be over. 2018 has brought me so much joy, sadness, happiness, highs, and lows. But really, what 2018 has made me realize is that I really have lost myself as a person. I can’t even begin to describe everything I’ve been through this year… every feeling I’ve felt. Towards the end of this year my eyes have really opened to help me realize what the most important things are that I need to focus on, who the most important people are in my life, and what and who I want to be surrounded by. 2018 has probably been one of the toughest years in the last 26 years of my life. I went through a lot of lows this year. but I’m still here… I’m still living, breathing, and still loving. One good thing about reaching your lowest is that there is nowhere else to go but up.
I have a lot to be grateful for, I have the best parents I could ever ask for and I have a loving boyfriend. I don’t want to seem like I’m whining or anything because I am lucky enough to live the life I am living.
This year my family and I traveled to Thailand and the Philippines. Those are trips I’ll never forget because Justin got to vacay with us, he met my relatives there, and it was also the first trip we made back to the Philippines with out my Lola. I don’t think it will ever be the same with out her. Life will never feel the same with out her. This year we spent our 4th Christmas without her. I just miss her so much. You never really know how important someone is in your life until you lose that person.
This year I also graduated! I was so excited to finally be done with school. But after graduating and moving back home, I felt lost… I had been going to school for so many years since I was 5 years old that once I finally met the goal I ended up with post-grad depression. YES, post-grad depression is a real thing.
I’ve also been diagnosed with anxiety and depression this year. I think at some point in our lives we all feel some anxiety and depression but this year mine just felt different… I just really didn’t feel like myself. I felt like I was outside of my own body, if that makes any sense. Mental health is so important and I didn’t realize it until things had just gotten too much for me. (Don’t worry I’m not suicidal and have never been.) I’m just happy to have the support system I have, if it wasn’t for my support system I don’t know how things would have gone. What sucks is when you reach out for help and the people you reach out to can’t help you. But because of them, I have found the people who are truly there for me. Self-care is important and in the New Year I plan to focus on my self-care and my mental health. I want to be open with my feelings, my experiences, my highs, my lows, and my mental health because honestly it feels good just to be open about it. Even I have no one to hear me out, why not try to reach out to the world!? There has to be people out there that can understand the shit I’ve been going through. Even if no one else reads this it feels good just typing all this out like it’s a journal.
2018 honestly just really sucked and 2019 seems even scarier but I will do anything it takes to help improve my mental health. I pray that 2019 brings lots of love, good health, prosperity, joy, and happiness.
So 2019, please be kind. I’m ready for what the New Year has for me… I hope. (*fingers crossed)